Lie to My Face, Please.

I am SO entirely sick of people's bullshit. Of lies, of excuses, of the overall lack of respect and common decency. What happened to HONESTY and telling the truth? I get that lying is easy, but c'mon, you have to grow up and face the real world at some point. But then again, some people never do. I'm sure there will be plenty that will lie, scheme, and manipulate their way to their graves. Since when did having a conscience matter anyways?

....No ones perfect, but I believe there is a pretty obvious line between what is good and what is malicious, and seeing as we are in highschool, we should no longer be blind to that. It's clear enough for me. The alterior motives of a sixth grader should be left behind in elementary school, where they most certainly belong. When wrong is done--which is something hard to steer away from--lying doesn't do ANYBODY any good. You cheat life, you cheat yourself. Right?

And where does that leave me? Constantly accepting apolgies, being taken advantage of for my tendency to forgive? Lie, apology, forgiveness, lie, apology, forgiveness... over and over and over again. I. Am. So. Absolutely. Frustrated... and disappointed in the people I love most. How hard is it to tell the truth?

so i sit here, wondering if those friends that I've always had, are really what I need. Maybe there won't be anyone else to support me, or to tell me the truth, but this is getting old. My friend reminded me recently that you cant make anyones decisions for them. You cant change their choices or actions. Although I may want or expect something from my best friends, I suppose there is nothing I can do about it. In the end, they make their own choices, not I. But still, I'm so lost. How did I get here? In a place where frustration is the closest friend I've got.