For I am Whole

Today at school, I got into a discussion with a friend about how long it takes to "get over" a breakup. She asked me something along the lines of, "well how long did it take you to get over him after that break up?". The question took me off guard. For a second, as our whole story, our whole history, our whole relationship...and its abrupt end flashed through my mind, I just looked at her. It's not something I think about often. In fact, until today, it hadn't crossed my mind for weeks. But nonetheless, there it was again. In the back of my mind. So, I allowed myself to think about it. To think back on it. The memories are easy to access. They're right there, as if behind a thin gossamer wall of sorts, just aching to be released. Nudging up against the barrier I determinedly keep up. I let them flood my mind. The first day I saw him, accompanied by the feeling that tingled within me at that moment, the day we met, the day we first kissed, the day we started dating, all the days in between, and finally, the day where it all came to a shrieking hault. The day when my world stopped rotating. The only day that really matters anymore. The bitter resentment, the aching heart, the sickness that filled my every limb, the confusion, the hurt. It's all so unreal to me now. And I wonder why I block even the littlest of thoughts of him out. Anyways, thinking about it made me also think about the fact that the whole ordeal is behind me now. Which is strange to think of when I replay the many days of tears and hopeless moping. But, each day I awoke with that burden, seemingly everpresent, upon my shoulders a little lighter than the night before. Each day I found myself smiling a little more. Each day the holes I felt within making progress on the healing front. Each day the hope inside me grew just a little more. And, here I am now. Whole again. Where at a point I had felt as if I would be forever in a million little pieces, I am whole. I am okay. He will always be a part of my past, my history. His impact on me and his imprint upon my heart will not go away, but the pain he caused did fade. For I am whole. For my world spins once again. For the ache no longer exists. For I am whole.

Oh the thoughts even the littlest of words and questions bring forth.